You Can Have It

This is not a picture of my room. But it might as well be. When my wife left me, she took a lot of our shared belongings. I don't mean to sound like one of those guys who cries about loosing everything, so don't jump to that. We had a lot of stuff. Too much if you ask me now, but back then our stuff is what made us who we were to other people, or so we thought.

We had an enormous house, far too big for just two people to be living in. In this house was all the best you could get. Everything was name brand. From our living room furniture to the soap dispensers in the guest bathroom, downstairs bathroom and master bath. Our yard was always taken care of (I love working outdoors) using the best mowers and grass seed. We had it all. At least as far as you could tell by looking at us, we had it all put together.

In reality we were broke, loosing our home and rarely talking to each other. When the stress became too much, she left and took her comforting things with her; the couches, bedroom set, car, along with several other things. I took my share of the belongings and sold them. Cheap. They meant nothing to me but a lie. I was poor. What good will my 52" tv do me with nowhere to plug it in? How can I justify driving this huge truck to work and back everyday when I don't haul anything?

Within a years time, we were divorced and our debt (several thousands of dollars) was split up and we both thought the final decision was a fair one. I then needed to move and had only my little car to get me there. Everything I was going to take with me had to fit inside that car (except the dog kennel. that was strapped to the roof) and I began cleaning. I did the math and discovered all my belongings had to fit into no more than 11 paper sized boxes. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I threw away so many papers, pictures, letters, mementos, etc. and I sold everything else on craigslist.

When I arrived in California, I had nothing; no bed, no job, nothing. Within a few weeks, a woman gave me her guest bed. When I went to pick it up she told me it had only been slept in a few times and then she gave me new sheets and pillows for it. While I was there, she also gave me her desk, two end tables, and as much hope as I could stand. I saw that when you give it all up, that is when God can do great things for you.

Even today, I am writing this on that desk, next to my bed, in my rented room in my sisters house. Everything I own fits in this room. I may not have a lot of stuff anymore but I feel so free. I feel unburdened and true to myself, not having to put on a show for others. And you can't steal those feelings away from me.