The Boy With No Name

Since I can remember, I have never been given a nickname. Sure, I have a name my parents called me for a few years that pops up from time to time, but nothing that has become common knowledge that everyone calls me.

I was always a little envious of those guys that had cool nicknames and I was always impressed when the nicknames were so well accepted by the general public that they now have to list themselves on facebook under that name. (This one is for you Peach)

I have too simple a name for some one to make shorter into something cool like going from Charles to Chuck or Chucky or Chuckles. Like Robert to Bobby to Bob or Bob-o. Just Joe. There are still those that find it entertaining to add the Y to the end but why would you want to give someone a nickname longer than that of their real name?

I wanted so much to have a nickname while growing up but now it seems too late for that to happen. If a guy goes by Bobby while growing up, then he will forever be Bobby. If a guy goes by James instead of Jim or Jimmy, then he is destined to be James the rest of his life. Me, I am a Joe. Just regular Joe. Nothing fancy. Nothing creative. Just Joe. And that's good enough for me.

The Wonderful World of Zombies

Sometimes I like to imagine I live in the world of the zombie apocalypse.

I tend to avoid horror movies. I never loved the gore and the suspense. The plots to ninety percent can be solved or avoided in the first five minutes by remembering: don't run to the roof to get away, don't check to see if the bad guy is really dead, and you have to be stupid to not see that its a trap. Even though all these things are true about almost every zombie movie, I can't stay away from them.

It isn't the thrill of the chase or the killing of zombies that gets by blood going but the idea that during a zombie apocalypse there are no fences. There are no borders or boundaries. If you are hungry, walk into the market and get some food. Forget the market, go get the food out of the fridge at your neighbors house. Forget your neighbors house, take the candy bar out of the top drawer of your coworkers desk just make sure their head is not attached.

The idea that everything is available for use is one that brings a smile to my face. Terrible, yes, the world is in total disarray but I need to get somewhere and there are literally thousands of cars with keys in them just waiting for me to modify with chain link and barbed wire and take off in. Need a gun? Go get one. Need a rocket ship to the space station? Hop in. The appeal of being trapped in a mall during the zombie attack, genius. Who wouldn't want to be able to go to the sporting goods store and stock up on gear like a hockey mask and some sweet pads to keep away those pesky brain eaters?

Imagine living in a world where everything is up for grabs to the last man standing...and that is also not a zombie. Crazy, you say? Sure. Crazy awesome.

Surviving Christmas With Family

We all love the holidays. We all love our families. Not all of us love holidays with our families. I have a great family whom I love dearly, but there are a lot of times conversations are started that lead to arguments or at least tension around the tree and nobody really wants that. So this year I am putting together a list to help myself through but I thought it might be useful to others as well.

Things to avoid:
This may throw you off at first but hear me out; avoid Christmas with your family. If there are tensions or internal struggle, a lot of hurt feelings can actually be avoided, by one of the parties taking this year off. On the other hand, if at all possible, settle those differences before the happy day. Call up the estranged members of your family and make amends ahead of time. This will take a huge load off when the day arrives.

Avoid wall-flowering. It is only one day and for most, only a few hours so make the best of it. Get in on the conversations, play Scrabble with the grandparents, mix it up! In the end you will be more revered by your family and you will feel like you actually participated in something special this year.

Avoid your phone. Phone games are a great time waster but you are not here to waste time. You are here to celebrate and have a good time. If you're bored, entertain someone. Find the little kids and play blocks with them, find the teens and regale them with tales of when you were once their age, seek out the oldest person in the family and ask them all about how your holiday traditions came to be. When you go to a party, you should be talking to the people there and not reply-all-ing the thirty people who spammed everyone in their contact list with a generic "Merry Christmas everybody!" You have a smart phone. Good for you. Be smart by knowing when to put it down.

Things to do:
Make your own list. By preparing, you avoid much of the holiday drama. What are you going to say when your drunk uncle wants to arm wrestle you? Are you going to help with the dishes afterward or are you going to change your new niece's diaper while her mom helps clean up? Make these choices ahead of time and you will feel accomplished when the evening is through.

Talk to people you haven't spoken with for a while. Be sincere and really try to get to know someone in your family in a way that you didn't before. Avoid conversations about expectations, past mistakes, politics and babies. The last one may seem out of place until you realize on the way there, your cousin and her husband just had a conversation about whether to have another one or not and they can't agree. Trust me. No baby talk.

Make a new tradition. Sounds crazy at first but sometimes the best tradition is having a new one each year. Try something new on the table, a new game to play, a new routine, a new...anything really. You will be surprised at how many people are up for a change now and then.

I hope these help you this year. Merry Christmas to you and your crazy family from me and mine.

Heads Up, Christmas Is Here

How can you tell Christmas is just around the corner? For me, it is the crisp air, the wet leaves (I live in California. Wet leaves is as good as it gets.), and setting up the tree with all the trimmings. But as the years have progressed I have made other connections with the season.

Increased parking lot accidents: The simple act of pulling in and out of a parking spot in an organized, well lit commercial parking lot turns into a Thunderdome rumble.

Ads ripping off Christmas carols: Walking in a 4G wonderland. Its the most wonderful sale of the year. Ugh.

Crappy gift aisles: Pocket knife/cell phone charger combos, boxers in Tabasco sauce containers, Spiderman walkie-talkies with laser pointers, and all the worthless crap that doesn't sell at any other time of the year stuffed into the shelves at the end of each row of other crappy gifts.

Decoration wear: The one thing stores didn't count on when they put up lights in August is that the bulbs weren't designed to last that long. Bulbs out and plastic ornaments missing half their paint and glitter dangling from every rooftop.

The list also includes:
Bod for Men commercials, empty store shelves, looks of panic from other shoppers, long lines leading nowhere and ending even further away, candles in the strangest pages, pledge drives on most radio channels, red and green junk mail (you know, for the holidays), pageants about who knows what, people correcting each other on the most politically correct way to wish people a Merry Christmas, "free" wrapping at the mall, egg nog and peppermint flavored everything from coffee to chapstick to popsicles, animals with Santa hats, cars with antlers, and the list goes on.

How could not be looking forward to the season? As crazy at it might get, I love everything about it.

If you have something to add, list it below for others to see in the comments.

Some Like It Cool

So how do you tell if someone is cool or not cool? If you are going to get along with someone or not? How do you choose who it is you are going to spend time with?

For some people they choose way before they even meet the person. They hear a story of how the person chose to react in a situation they relate to or what kind of car they drive, job they have or how hot their significant other may be and the decision is made.

Others will see the person from across the room. They see their clothes or notice the brand of watch the person is wearing and as long as it isn't one of those embarrassing brands, then they are all right.

For the few of us that scoff at name brands and trust our own instinct over that of others, we like to meet people. Face to face and without the small talk. Then take out all the preconceptions about that person and let them show you how cool they really are. When this system is applied, you would be amazed at how many cool people are really out there.

Don't assume you know where people come from. Don't label people as jerks without knowing them personally. Do give people multiple chances to surprise you. Don't judge a person by their....well, anything.

Third Chances

I played little league when I was young and was not very good at it. There were always better kids that understood intricacies of the game I had not even heard of yet. They were full of player stats and technique while I was barely able to catch or throw. I would rarely get on base and if I did, it was usually because I got walked.

One year, my team was in the running for third place. Tony's Meats had already clinched first place but it was our chance for third. It was the top of the ninth and I was again playing my natural position of left field. I was so far back I could hardly see the plate but I heard the crack of the bat against the ball and then I saw it; the ball that would seal my destiny. Remembering back, I can see the flash forward all over again. If I don't catch the ball I will never live it down. Everyone will laugh and I will forever be the guy that couldn't catch that simple fly out to left. Then again, if I catch the ball I will be an instant hero and cheered for years to come. I will go places when I am old and they will chant my name in the streets.

I got so nervous thinking about what lay ahead in my future with the outcome of this play and then it happened; the ball landed in my glove. I was beaming from ear to ear. I couldn't believe it. I had done it. And just then I felt my grip on the ball escape me and I watched in horror as the ball bounced out of my glove and into the grass.

I picked it up and threw it with all my might to second base but the damage had been done. The pitcher struck the next batter out and I slowly made my way back to the dugout/fenced in bench. I kept my head down as I made my way to the far end of the bench but before I could sit down the coach reminded me I was on deck. Now the pressure was on.

I found my helmet and practice bat and was stopped by my coach. "Shake it off. You got this one." A rare moment of encouragement but all I needed to hear right then. We were tied and the guy in front of me just hit a double. Now was my chance. I stepped to the plate, the pitcher hurled the ball towards me and...Strike! I missed it! How could this be? I was so focused. Second pitch, dirt. Third pitch, strike two! What? Now was my chance for redemption and I was blowing it. If I miss this one I am really sunk.

The pitcher threw the ball and I gave it everything I had. Smack! Right into left field and directly towards the fielder. I know you are not supposed to watch the ball as you run the bases but I couldn't help myself, this was the longest hit I had ever gotten and was not going to miss this for the world. I watched as the ball landed in the grass right in front of the guys glove. Our runner headed home and the game was over before I made it to third, but I will never forget the way I felt that night. Not a care in the world to total devastation, to confidence to fear, to exhilaration and then to empathy.

I still have that tiny third place trophy, but I don't need it be be reminded of the lessons I learned that night.

Everyone deserves a third chance.

Secrets, Secrets

Honesty is the best policy. But what is a secret?

Watch any show on TV today and the cause of all suspense, drama, relationship strain, whatever, and you can trace it back to one person not being open with another. Reality or scripted, writers know there is no simpler way to divide people. The problem though is we see these individuals and characters keeping secrets and we act it out in our own lives. Monkey see, monkey do.

The trouble with secrets is that they are too easy not to keep. We are asked to keep a secret and immediately picture the ten people we are not supposed to tell. We see them coming up to us and asking us what's on our mind and we know we will have to lie eventually to protect the interests of the other person. Secrets lead to lies, lies lead to hurt feelings, hurt feelings lead to broken relationships and so on. The only solution is to stop having secrets. Not an easy thing.

We have to understand from the beginning, when we are considering having a secret, that it will be found out by those we are trying to protect. It will come out. The longer something is kept secret, the more it will hurt. So why try it from the start? What is the point of a secret?

If you have something you don't want someone to know, don't tell them. Don't tell anyone. Or save yourself the agony and stress, rip the band aid off and tell the person right away how you feel. Trust me; in all cases, no matter how tough it is to tell and no matter how much the person is hurt by what is said, in the long run, not having a secret to start with is the best for all involved.

Did You Know

I am a human sponge for useless trivia. Sometimes I tend to make people feel uncomfortable when I sound off with something ridiculous I read about from hear or there, something I saw during my daily dive into the web surf, or something I may have seen on the inside of a Snapple lid. Whatever it is I say, it is mostly to answer a debated question or perhaps just a bit o' knowledge to entertain.

Did you know the most deadly spider is the blah blah blah?
Did you know the record for the longest time watching television while standing on a stool with one leg missing is blah blah blah blah blah?
Did you know the most famous blah blah became famous originally because of blah blah blah?

You get the idea.

A few weeks ago I was handed a question written by one of my third graders in Sunday school and it stumped me. It is written on a lime green card and right now I have it posted above my desk so I have to see it everyday. Scribbled as though it was written in a hurry with a simple ball point pen are the words: "Do you know God is with you?" I have never been more challenged by a simple question.

Do I? I don't know. I know I don't act like it all the time. I know that He will never leave me and I know that He has been with me before when I needed Him the most, but do I know He is with me right now. In this moment. Here.

Sometimes it is the easiest trivia questions that are the hardest to remember.

What Are You Supposed To Say

What are you supposed to say to someone when you find out they are divorced or even simply going through a rough patch in their relationship?

To answer this question, let's first rule out what doesn't sound right:

Sorry about that.
Too bad.
They are really missing out.
Tough beans.
Better luck next time around.
Congratulations?
Oooo...Ouch!

So those are the obvious ones used all too often and mostly inappropriately. Saying you are "sorry to hear that", doesn't allow you to say whatever pops into your head right after that moment either. (Sorry to hear that. What a terrible person your spouse was. etc.) The problem is whenever people hear about a relationship not working or a marriage failing, they feel a need to either fix it right then and there, pretend like they never imagined something like divorce still existed, or ignore it like it isn't a big deal and try to persuade you, you are better off now.

The truth is there isn't anything magical to say to make people feel better about their breakup. It is their breakup and not yours; you don't have to fix it. It is nice to know someone out there cares but no one outside of those two people really understand their relationship or where it went wrong. They are the only two people that can work it out regardless of the advice or empathy you have to offer.

General Guidelines:
Let them know you care about them.
Be available to talk when they are ready.
Do not take sides.
Do not offer advice unless asked.

Trust that because they shared such an intimate detail with you, they trust you to be there for them. These things take a lot of time and a lot of comfort. It might not come from you, now, and it certainly won't come from "there are plenty of fish in the sea". Just love them sincerely and maybe think about buying this shirt.

skreened.com

Feel Bad

We have become centered around feelings and emotions that are fleeting at best. We are constantly being told we should do whatever makes us feel good, just follow your heart, whatever makes you happy. All of those are terrible ways to live and even worse to encourage kids to do those things.

It is ok to feel bad. It is only when we feel bad that we appreciate feeling good. You never look back in a moment of contentment and think about that terrible thing that happened to you that one time. No. Instead, when you feel bad, you remember the good times you had. Those moments when you were at your best, no matter how short lived they may have been at the time, always come back to be treasured.

It is ok to feel sad. So many times when we feel sad we ignore it. When we want to cry we wipe the tears away before anyone can see. Being sad, crying, and allowing yourself to feel those things in the moment entice compassion and sympathy for the human condition. I have a handful of movies I own just for this purpose. When I feel sad, I watch one of those movies I know will get me to tear up. Instead of crawling into bed and sinking into a pit of depression, allow yourself to feel sad once in a while. Have a good cry. When you are in control of the sad times, you will be surprised how truly relieved you feel.

It is ok not to be happy. When you are not happy, if you realize it and catch yourself feeling that way, it can be a great encouragement to step out of your comfort zone and make someone else's day. The best thing for me to do when I am not feeling "happy" is to find someone feeling the same and doing whatever it takes to cheer them up. Sometimes it just takes you being empathetic to their emotions. Sometimes it takes you making your belly button talk. Whatever it is, making someone else feel happy will change the way you feel about the way you feel.

We Are Men Of Action

Men are doers. We are creatures of activity. We seek adventure and new worlds to explore. We have been this way since the beginning and yet some of us have chained ourselves down to one thing or another.

From the very first one of us, we have been men with responsibilities. Our jobs are, on the surface, simple ones; protect and provide for ones family. When we are not focused on these things we tend to wander in our purpose. The un-focusing of directive has led us to conquer, explore and battle each other for resources and or power. Men have always needed something to do. We became great learners and engineers. We would be the hard labor of the workforce and we would be made to perform unimaginable feats. We developed entire civilizations, made ways for food and water to be continually supplied, and made ourselves comfortable in our homes.

Over time we have grown soft in body and spirit and weak in mind in comparison to our ancestors. We spend hours toiling over menial tasks with no outcome, just a paycheck at the end of the week. We "work" days on end sitting in a chair staring at a screen, or in a meeting, or in a car.

I do not mean to belittle anyone with these words, but I would like to remind the men out there to stand up and be men. Be the great minds and the great builders of our age. Be apart of the new wave of fathers who instruct their children in the way they should go. Live a life worthy of the next generation's awe and wonder. Centuries from now, what will they think of the lives we lived? Those of you who know you are leaders, now is the time for you to stand up.

Stop building fanciful worlds and false realities online and make a difference in your family and in your community. Show the world what you are made of. Are we men of idleness and worthlessness or are we men of action and of greatness?

How To Succeed

People live their lives according to their own set of rules. I also have a set of rules to live by. Some of these include: The Golden Rule (if I need to explain this or describe what I am referring to, please stop reading now.), Help everyone you can with whatever you have, Do things right the first time, Honesty is the best policy but sometimes so is holding your tongue, and several others that I will write about later.

The truth of the matter is that in order to achieve success, many times you have to offer yourself to the undesirable option first. This is a lesson I have had to learn the hard way so to save you some trouble let me narrow my thinking down to this:

To be a great leader one must be a great servant.

To be a great teacher one must be a great student.

To be a great writer one must be a great reader.

Obviously I have yet to achieve greatness in the above mentioned fields but I am reading more than ever, I have found myself doing more studying than ever before just to feel confident enough to teach my Sunday school class, and I am constantly seeking out ways to reach out to people. I have a lot of work to do and many more lessons to learn. If you have anything to add, please feel free to in the space provided below.