What Are You Supposed To Say

What are you supposed to say to someone when you find out they are divorced or even simply going through a rough patch in their relationship?

To answer this question, let's first rule out what doesn't sound right:

Sorry about that.
Too bad.
They are really missing out.
Tough beans.
Better luck next time around.
Congratulations?
Oooo...Ouch!

So those are the obvious ones used all too often and mostly inappropriately. Saying you are "sorry to hear that", doesn't allow you to say whatever pops into your head right after that moment either. (Sorry to hear that. What a terrible person your spouse was. etc.) The problem is whenever people hear about a relationship not working or a marriage failing, they feel a need to either fix it right then and there, pretend like they never imagined something like divorce still existed, or ignore it like it isn't a big deal and try to persuade you, you are better off now.

The truth is there isn't anything magical to say to make people feel better about their breakup. It is their breakup and not yours; you don't have to fix it. It is nice to know someone out there cares but no one outside of those two people really understand their relationship or where it went wrong. They are the only two people that can work it out regardless of the advice or empathy you have to offer.

General Guidelines:
Let them know you care about them.
Be available to talk when they are ready.
Do not take sides.
Do not offer advice unless asked.

Trust that because they shared such an intimate detail with you, they trust you to be there for them. These things take a lot of time and a lot of comfort. It might not come from you, now, and it certainly won't come from "there are plenty of fish in the sea". Just love them sincerely and maybe think about buying this shirt.

skreened.com