Moving On

After a terrible incident like a death in the family or divorce or even a simple break up, it has always been the good friend that takes you aside and tells you that everything is ok. "You'll be fine. You just need to remember the good times you had and move on. Live your life." While on the surface that seems like a great idea and while the friend is always well meaning in these cases, it is not the moving on that is the most difficult. For me, the hardest thing to do, is to be ok with moving on.

After my divorce and I slowly returned to my normal self, I seemed to be bombarded with life changing decisions. New job or bad job? New town or same old, same old? New girl or single for the rest of my miserable life? I was able to make a lot of big moves with little hesitation but the one that seemed the easiest at the time has become one of my biggest hang ups.

I moved, got a new job, made new friends, and stopped saying no to trying new things. It was all going so well until someone would try to set me up on a date or awkwardly mention to me someone had a crush on me. What are we? 12? No matter in what way I met these women, I would immediately hesitate. The problem was I was not ready to move on in that direction yet. I had a good run and I invested a lot of myself the first time around. Truth is, I was scared of what would happen if I really let myself get involved again. I would begin to think about all the good times and then remember all of the bad ones then not be interested any more. I had moved on but wasn't ok with me moving on yet.

This may sound like the ramblings of an idiot but many of you have felt the same way I am sure. It is a feeling almost like survivors remorse. Thank goodness I made it through that terrible situation, but why me? Why am I ok with being like this? I shouldn't be this happy this soon.

It has been over a year now and I am ready to be ok with moving on.