Congo's Day

I have had Congo on my heart a lot lately. Partly due to the relationship shared by my father, partly the situation that the country finds itself in today, and partly it simply fascinates me. I have been learning much about the people of Congo and the day to day misery that has become the norm for the millions who live there.

I have a lot to say about Africa although I have never been. Correction: I have a lot to feel about Africa. I have been given the chance of a lifetime to go this coming summer to train children's workers but I am struck to learn about what is happening, not only in the rural areas where water is in short supply and food is scarce but in the cities as well where the sick can not get the care they need and millions of children roam the streets abandoned by their hopeless families or orphaned by the war that no one knows how it began or when if ever it will end.

The most curious thing about Africa and specifically the Republic of Congo, is that they are not asking for aid. They are not swarming the missionaries there to assist them with finding new water sources. They are not asking for donations of money or medicine. The people of Congo are begging, with tears in their eyes, that we help them teach their children. Not to teach them English or math or even technical skills. They are crying out for knowledge on how to reach the next generation with the love of God.

This unfortunately is the beginning of an inconvenient narrative on the effectiveness of missions today in that area. It is so much easier to drop a bag of clothes into the anonymous bin in the grocery store parking lot and feel like we did some good in the world. But the truth is, they know the way for them to become successful as a nation, as a people, is for them to help themselves. They understand that no nation has climbed it's way out of poverty based on the charity of other nations. They are crying out for the skills to reveal God to the young and the hopeless and finally offer them something greater than themselves. The men and women making a difference in Congo are not the President or his minions or even the growing rebel groups spread throughout the country. They are the Sunday school teachers and they are the moms and dads that have made the decision to live a life that honors God above all else and at whatever the cost. And many times that cost is their own lives.

As I mentioned, I have a lot more to share on this topic but for now I will leave you with the phrase that many there continue to repeat as they encourage us to come back to them. I pray that it will haunt you. And when you think of it (and you will) that God will break your heart just for a second and you will stop and pray for Congo:

"Today is Congo's day"

Nerds

It takes all kinds of people in this world to make it interesting. Specifically, the nerds. I feel like I need to define what I believe to be a nerd before continuing any further. I believe it is someone that takes a hobby way too seriously. A person that focuses in on something fun and interesting and tun it into a way of life. Sometimes this attitude or interest can be so mild it can at times go unnoticed. But for a nerd, this hobby, form of entertainment, or even sport is almost a religion to the point of putting others off and sometimes even offending them.

There are slow food nerds, bicycling nerds, and workout nerds. These are all fun and even good for you in moderation but for a nerd, if you don't practice these everyday all day, that makes you less. There are chess nerds, physics nerds, and computer gadget nerds (PC and whatever that other one is called). Nice to have the knowledge, but when you are not buying food this week so you can be the first guy with the newest technical calculator the day it comes out...that doesn't seem logical.

There are of course the fun kind of nerds. These are the guys that take something we all enjoy a little and over analyze it to death. There are Star Trek nerds and Star Wars nerds (do not get those two confused). There are twitter nerds and facebook nerds. There are drama nerds and TV nerds. Film geeks and theater freaks. Cos play and role play. Something that is really fun for a bit but blown way out of proportion.

The reason I am talking nerds so much is because the other day I had a thought: what if all the nerds (and we are all one kind or another) spent all the time and money that we spent on those things and focused them on things that matter? How many lives could change if the guy that built a life sized replica of the ship on Firefly (the ship's name is Serenity. Again, we are all nerds here.) and instead gave even just half of that to a homeless shelter? What would happen if instead of focusing on one of life's passions, we focused on our purpose?

We all have passions. We all have a purpose. Our purpose on this planet, right now, today is not to amass the world's largest Superman memorabilia collection. Our purpose is not to study the Star Wars encyclopedia so we can analyze why George Lucas made Han shoot second in the remake.Our purpose isn't even to study the elvish poems from Lord of the Rings. Our purpose is to serve one another. To make life better for our fellow man. To love one another and to sacrifice for those that are truly in need. If we were so passionate about ending world hunger we poured ourselves into it the same amount of hope and spirit we do into the playoffs every year.

Imagine what the world would be like if our passions were our purpose and our purpose was our passion.

Waiting Games

Open the door and you immediately regret the decision to do this today. But it is near the end of the month and you have put it off long enough. So you tell yourself but a part of you still knows this is not a great way to start the day. You walk past the three spiked hair, wish they could be shirtless right now, crossfit guys on their phones, pretending to talk to someone so they seem important. No doubt they are here because the one friend that drives needed to pay a ticket or something. You walk past the teen that just finished the exam and can't wait to get out there and show us all how its done. You walk up to the red ticket machine and pull a number. Eighty-four. Not to bad. At least it isn't in the hundreds, you think as you scan the room for a spot to prop up in and claim for yourself in the midst of the chaos. You take your coat off and then you hear it. "Next! Number seventeen!" Your heart sinks into the pit of your stomach and you sigh. In that moment you realize you are just another faceless member of the herd. You sigh a deep, dark sigh in almost perfect unison with every other poor sap that thought today might just be the day no one else shows up to the DMV.

Waiting is an old man's game. I am too young to be in one place too long. I have a life to live and important other things to do. But is that true? Have you ever really waited? Waited patiently? It can be quite a relief sometimes if approached from the right angle.

According to several sources, in a lifespan of 70 years, a person waits for almost 3 of those years. Three years of waiting in lines, waiting for the restroom, waiting for the page to finally print off the copy machine, waiting for the light to turn green, waiting for the next best thing to come out of the store you have camped outside of the week before Christmas.

I recommend the following alternatives to joining the chorus of heavy sighing:

• people watch (that's a given but have fun with it. what brought that guy to the point where he would want that tattoo or did he?, etc.)
• try to remember the words to a song you haven't sung since grade school
• relive the best and worst days of your life (maybe you'll learn a lesson or two)
• let someone in front of you (blasphemy, sure, but you'd be surprised at the conversations you'll strike up)
• imagine yourself as the person you are waiting to see (how many crazy people have they already had to deal with today. Not including you..)
• attempt to not play with your phone (its more fun than you think)

Whatever you do, wait with pride. Know you are one of many. Be the example of "common" courtesy and friendliness. Learn something about yourself. Do not waste three years of your life taking the easy way out and simply giving in to the boredom.

Keep Your Shirt On

Seriously. Keep it on.

Skinny guy running on the beach, big guy walking on the sidewalk, and man in his car stuck in traffic. None of these are good times to show off what you got going on by taking your shirts off.

I don't know why guys do this. Maybe we see other guys do it and just assume it is ok for us to try it ourselves. But you know what assuming does; it makes an ass out of you. Exactly. I know it is stupid hot outside and were you getting out of the pool or just about to go build a sandcastle somewhere, I would say good for you. But you are mowing your front lawn right now. One false move with that weed-eater and so long symmetry.

Real tan lines. Just not mine.

Don't worry we get it. You are a proud man with a six pack the ladies all swoon after. We can see you are outdoorsy and athletic. You are outside and running. Those two facts are easy to guess about you. But keep a little mystery to yourself. I display my farmers tan poolside with pride because I am a grown man that is ok with wearing my shirt out of the house. Glaring white I may be, but for a reason.

Because I wear shirts, sometimes.

Believer

It is vital to have something you believe in. Many seek after great men and leaders of great movements. Many seek after gods and religious ritual to trust in and follow. And although I do believe in God and I keep my faith my focus, I was reminded this week how important it is to have someone believe in you. I have no desire to be worshiped, but I do need to be believed in from time to time.

When you feel down or when things just don't work out the way you planned for them to, you need someone to come along side you and remind you that you matter. What you did, although you failed miserably at whatever it was, was good. When you are sad and feeling alone in the world, to have someone stand by you, reach out their hand to you and remind you that you are interesting and fun. When you feel stuck and think there is no way you can possibly..., they are right there to say yes, you can.

Having someone believe in you and give you that boost once in a while is so refreshing. It revitalizes to the core. Those are the people others try to surround themselves with but your believer is yours. It won't matter how much you try to push or battle your way from them, they will always be there rooting for you. Don't take it for granted. Embrace them and let them know that someone who is followed is only as strong as the belief of their followers.

In Memory

Maintaining a vigilant eye on our history is the only way we can move progressively toward a better society. Remembering our heroes and loved ones is vital to this idea.

I used to be incapable of attending memorial services of any kind. I would go to funerals, wakes, "celebrations of life", but I could never be comfortable thinking about the deceased. I hated the idea that the loss of someone close was inevitable. The whole time I would be in the room, I would simply keep my head down and my mouth shut, and the first chance I got to make a break for the door, I took it. This makes me sound cold and heartless, I know, but I just couldn't get over the fact that over there, in the corner, is the lifeless body of a person I can never learn from again.

At such an event, I was sitting along the side of the room while everyone was chatting and telling everyone else how much they will miss the person. An elderly man sat down next to me, too close for me to completely ignore and he struck up a conversation with me that I remember today. I say a conversation, but I mostly just listened. He spoke to me about the loss of his own family members, how much they meant to him and how sad he still was about loosing them. He asked me how I was feeling but before I could answer, he interrupted me. "Don't be sorry for the loss. Learn from it. How did the way they lived make you want to be a better person? What are you going to do different tomorrow, now that they are gone?" I was a little stunned and before I knew it, another one of the guests came and swept him away.

I think about that now when I hear about someone losing a loved one. I think about what I will do differently knowing about them and how the did but more importantly, how they lived. Who will take over for them at the animal shelter or Sunday school class where they volunteered? Who will hug that person's Mom or care for their children? How can we remember them with honor?

We could build stone monuments, put stupid decals on the rear windows of our cars, or make a scene at the funeral so everyone sees how sad you can be when you try. Or better yet we can learn from the loss. Love one another. Serve one another. Listen to one another. Be sincere with one another. And remember the heroes of your life. Honor them with yours.

Up In Flames

Record holder for the most gold medals won by a single person at the Olympics. Rock and roll hall of fame-er. Chairman of the board for a charity that reaches out to young children without homes of their own. Champion BBQ master. Or otherwise recognized as that guy that was caught smoking pot, the drug abuser, the thief and the guy that had the heat just a little too high, a little too long that one time.

Whatever it is that we seem capable to accomplish, we are always remembered by the failures. Or at least that's how it appears. The Hollywood star or the pastor of the local church, they are always brought down by that one thing. Whatever it is and however insignificant it is in the long term, that one thing will always haunt them wherever they go. They can no longer be recognized for the good they did but instead that one black spot on their record. This is now their defining characteristic.

I have seen this with regular people as well as the super rich and popular individuals we have under the microscope. We have one time criminals from all backgrounds that can't find work because they were with someone doing something that one time. We have artists being judged by the one painting they submitted that will never paint again due to poor turnout at a gallery opening.

Do not let that one time bring you down. Although second chances are hard to come by sometimes, they are out there.Learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't give up on yourself and don't look down on others when they might leave the food on the grill too long. They can do better. And so can you.

Good Enough

After traveling hundreds of miles in a cattle drawn wagon for two years through the plains of the midwest and over mountains higher than you have ever seen in your life, you would come to find yourself tired and weak. I have been to the Oregon Trail museum and read the journal entries of the people who made that long journey and I have read about the overwhelming relief they found when they finally reached the pacific coast. But several didn't make it. Some did not starve or become ill. Some just gave up. "Well, here is as good as any other place I suppose." I can just hear it as they began to unpack the wagon, setting their supplies and personal belongings down on the dusty desert floor not realizing they were only few hilltops to the land promised them. Here is good enough.

I suppose there was a man (had to have been a guy) that decided one day, "I am tired of spending so much money on toilet paper. I know, I will make it half as thick!" Why would you need more than that? And we have had to put up with the curse of single ply ever since. But it should be good enough.

One day someone walks into a store, sees a spatula on a rack, and they say to themselves, "I bet I can make a cheaper version of that." And the dollar store was born. A one dollar spatula is as good as a five dollar one right? It will work good enough.

What happened to striving for excellence? What happened to wanting to be the best or build the best or give the best? What happened to setting standards and goals and working hard to accomplish them? Today, money is tight but I still refuse to settle for good enough.

Giving Up

If I took the time to think of all the good things that have ever happened to me, you being in my life would be at the top. We each have our issues and we each have our baggage, but none of that matters to me. You want and need things that I feel unqualified or unable to provide you with but you are more than that to me. None of my fears can keep me from you. I will fight for you, I will cry with you and I will continually seek after you. But I give up.

For you, I give up my fear of a future alone. For you, I give up the desires of a selfish heart. For you, I give up the loneliness that has kept me company these last few years. For you, I give up my anxious thoughts and my ignorance of the things to come. I give up my worry, my sorrow, my envy of others' happiness.

The reason I tell you this is not to frighten you or to cause you to stress. You do not have to be concerned. The thing is, I am not giving up to you. I am giving up for you and I am giving you up to Him. I had forgotten for a moment that you are not mine to have. You and your heart belong to another. He loves you more than I and more than I ever could. Because of that, I am offering you back to Him.

Remember who you belong to.

Intentions

I intend to be completely yours.

The good stuff, the bad stuff, the crazy stuff in my life will belong to you and only you.

You will be the first and last thought of everyday.

I will dream of you when we are apart and hold you when we are together.

The days I spend with you will be my best.

You will be my friend, my caretaker, my support and my safe place.

I will reveal to you the secrets of my heart and I will treasure those you choose to confide in me.

To be with you will be the desire of my heart.

You will lift me when I am fallen and be my strength when I am wounded.

I will find comfort in your smile.

When our names are spoken it will be with envy of what we share together.

You, I will love like no other can.

All Alone

It seems too good to be true. Riding out on the open road, stopping when you want to take in the view, making the choice of where you want to go and when. It is the picture of the ultimate fantasy; doing what you want and not caring what anyone else has to say about it. The problem is, that rarely is the case.

That might be the appeal of shows like SOA and the biker image itself, but what we are trying to forget about is the one thing that makes us who we are; the people we love.

I would like to say it was an easy transition from being married to living it up as a single guy, but it was so difficult for me to drop some of the habits I had developed while married. At least the ones that didn't matter. I had to forget how she liked to have things and start making decisions all on my own. It has almost been two years and I still catch myself from time to time. Problem is, now it's time for me to make the change again.

I wanted so much to be with someone and share life with them and it seemed like it wouldn't happen. So I became comfortable with the idea of being single and being happy that way. I surrounded myself with other happy-to-be-single people and much to my surprise, I found myself longing for the companionship. Perhaps that is why there are so many motorcycle clubs to join. We are longing to be stand alone individuals within a crowd of people that feel the same.

"It ain't easy living free", fun maybe for a while, but not satisfying.

Waiting For Patience

Patience is a virtue...
...But I do not have time to wait for it.

I read an article in the paper some time ago about how much time we spend waiting. Waiting in lines, at stoplights, in freeway traffic, or even for the next thing to happen on the screen after we clicked something. We spend years of our lives trying to hurry things up. Billions, no, trillions of dollars are spent around the world, in every industry, trying to reduce the amount of time people spend waiting for products or services.

We live in a culture of instant gratification. I know you have heard the term before. The reason for that is we all desire it. Whatever that is, we want it, and we want it right now. What is the weather going to be like on Tuesday? Don't know? Why wait until Tuesday to find out? Just take out your phone and check it. What is really depressing, is that when our phones (the devices designed to accommodate voice communication over incredible distances) take more than thirty seconds to download the forecast or the latest game to our fingertips, we freak out.

When is the last time you waited for something and instead of rushing to be the first one to finish, or start, or whatever, you waited patiently? The next time you're at the DMV, have a fun conversation with the other people in line. They are just as miserable as you and could use a friendly discussion to entertain them while they wait. When you are at a stoplight that refuses to turn green, think about the first time you drove all by yourself and how nervous you were, or remember your first kiss (not forgetting to go though when the light does eventually change).

In this wonderful world of double digit travel speeds and mega bytes per second, don;t forget to think about your life. While you are being patient, ponder the world and those around you. Who knows? You might solve the problems of the world in your next traffic jam.

Fight

It was a nice day out. One of those where you could wear jeans or shorts and feel comfortable in either. There was a cool breeze and warm sunlight over the field that day. The trees were full of leaves and the green of the grass was begging to be taken home on the knee of someone's good pants or at the very least on somebody's elbow.

I have been fairly open so far about my hesitation to play team sports. On Sunday afternoons, my family would watch the videos we rented on Friday night from the supermarket so we could get our money's worth from them. My father and I never discussed the big game that week or stayed up late together to see the end of the playoffs. Besides not having been introduced to team sports before I was out of diapers like my fellow schoolmates, I was always a loner. I preferred hanging out on the monkey bars at recess and running the four square game in the corner of the playground. But on this one day, for whatever reason, I found myself playing football in the side yard.

It was a classic game of two hand touch. End zones at the tree on that end of the field and that other tree over there. You know. You've been there. We played touch because the teachers thought we couldn't handle the roughness of a solid game of tackle. Either that, or they didn't want to deal with the aftermath. So to appease those that told us "two hand touch or nothing", we accepted the limitation. However, anyone who has ever played touch football knows there will always be disputes on whether or not one was actually touched.

I was picked close to last but not very last and felt I had been given a rare opportunity to prove what I was capable of. I executed each play to perfection and although I didn't know how to button hook right, I figured it out pretty quick and soon they began to realize how fast on my feet I really was. Soon I was running play after play and gaining yards like no other.

My team was not the team expected to do very well in this twenty minute battle royal. You see, the other team had Terry as QB. He was the kid that grew up studying the game. He knew players and stats, and had an arm like a cannon. His long ball was the only thing keeping them in the game. He was a tough kid too and if we had been keeping stats, he would be at the top for the most, uh, touches? Needless to say, we felt defeated going in, but with some quick thinking we adjusted our strategy to one involving me running right past him.

I was pitched the football and I began to run. Faster and faster. Dodging every player that came after me and soon it was down to me and him; Terry. He spread his stance as he realized they were all watching him work his magic. His face scrunched up and his eyes widened as I dug into the grass as hard as I could. He lunged. I twisted. He stretched and I curved. As he reached forward, I could tell, it was everything he had. But it wasn't enough. I flew past him and a few feet later, I had scored my first touchdown! Sweet glory! I had done it! The elation was soon over as the debate began. Did touching one hand on the edge of my shirt count. No. Of course it does! Why should that count if we're playing two hand touch?

While all this was going on, I headed back to the group and made my case. I had almost made it to the middle of the huddled mass of bickering adolescents when a fist came into view. Like all men who tell their story, I saw it coming. I could see his face behind it; scared, shaken up, and angry. I crouched on one knee to recover and realized I hadn't been hit too hard to stand back up. Once on my feet again, I went for it. What did I have to loose? I was already in the fight, might as well get my shot in too. I make eye contact with him and I stare him down for what feel like ages but in a split second, I began to move forward with my fist already clinched. I took a step forward and wound up. I could feel my hand prepare itself to make it's way to his face. I reached back and my arm was snatched back by one of my team members. (another reason to avoid team sports, your battles are not your own to fight)

We realized we had been spotted by the recess warden and as she made her way to us I stood my ground more firm than ever. She asked us what was going on. Everyone looked down to the ground wishing to have the ability to sick their heads into the dirt. Everyone that is but Terry and I. We looked at each other and we knew it wasn't worth loosing the privilege to play over. I spoke up and told her I had slipped and scrapped my eye on a rock. She hustled me off to the office and reminded everyone else to play safe so no one else gets hurt.

I returned to class once recess was over with my ice pack wrapped in brown paper towel, not really hurt but passing it off. When I walked in the room, the class went silent. I sat in my assigned seat. Next to Terry. Not another word was spoken about it. Not by us and not by anyone else. I didn't go back to play football the next day, but I walked a little taller. Terry never grew taller than that and soon we were in high school and he was the little guy. We were on the wrestling team together but were never matched up. There was never a round two or a showdown in the hall. Terry never played QB for the school and I ended up making my mark in track and cross country.

That was my first punch to the face and the last time I was close to punching back. I have never hit someone in the face, and even when friends throw on the gloves in the backyard, I can't keep a straight face. It is such a childish thing for me but I will never forget the day of my first fight.

Multiple Heartbreaks

Loss is the first feeling in your heart when you hear the words. Relief will be the next but only for a short moment before the words start to come out. Most of the times they will be spoken with sarcasm or anger but even then you will be hard pressed to not reveal the hurt. The loss returns and the flood of what-ifs comes in and washes away the anger. Perhaps this is not real. Maybe it is just a misunderstanding. I will simply change and do whatever is needed to make it right. But in the end after the flood drains and leaves you feeling the same, you are left alone.

You feel bad for a time and maybe try to distract yourself, but no matter what you are doing, the thoughts return. The loss is felt again. This time you move to strike it from your heart and with a vengeance, you purge your heart and mind of all of those dark emotions. As you do so, they grow worse. Like rubbing a stain out of a painted wall, you end up with a spot much deeper and darker than when you began. It is only when you stop for a moment to rest from your purge you feel the relief again.

You will go through this everyday, several times, until it becomes a part of your normal. The waves of emotions are like the sea; there are always waves, sometimes they are bigger, sometimes smaller, but always waves. Once in a while you will experience a storm similar to the first and it will toss you and throw your world out of balance. You will feel as though you are about to drown but eventually the waves will calm and you will find relief.

Do not forget the moments of peace. You will need them to think on during the storms. Think back to them and know there are more to come. Remember feeling free from the anger and hurt. Remember those who were with you in the last storm are with you now. Think on the good things. Think on the good things.

Heartache is the sign that what you had was important to you. Heartache is the sign of someone who feels things at the deepest level and has loved at the fullest. Heartbreak just reminds us that we are more than just cold, emotionless bodies on the earth. We are here to love and be loved and along that path there will always be another heartbreak.

One Hundred

Since this is the 100th edition of FollowARegularJoe, I thought it might as well be an easy read. Let's be honest, you don't come here for the heavy stuff, so here is a little insight into what has been going on with me the last month or so.

God has been doing amazing things in my life. He has taught me many things including humility, patience, and the truth of His daily blessings. I have made new friends (not to replace the old ones) and seen hard times. I have depended on God for my needs and He has given me more than I know what to do with. I have tried new things. I have gone on adventures to new places and done things I never imagined myself capable of.

This blog has never been intended to have a serious tone, but perhaps I might attempt to make a deeper impact. In the next few months I want to catch you up on some of the new things I have been trying out, places I've seen and the crazy hippies (sorry...friends) I have met.

I want to thank you for reading. To date, I have written 100 articles and it has been read over eleven thousand times. But never mind all those other people, I am glad you are here to listen. I love you guys.

Warning: Political Blog Entry

We all love our pets. We all love our families (to some extent). We love our kids. Everyone has a favorite flavor ice cream and everyone has their favorite color. We all know everyone around us is different and we all know everyone has his or her own opinions on the way things should be but sometimes going from caramel swirl to Obama-care is a big jump. Or is it?

Politics are a hard game to play. For me, this is because it is not a game nor should it be played like one. I try very hard to keep an open mind in matters of a political nature and those of you who are regular readers know that I try not to influence others or coax them to side with me. But I was challenged tonight to share so here it goes. Take it with a grain of salt.

Everyone has the right to their opinion. Not everyone will agree and the majority will not always make all the right choices. But that does not mean we tear each other down for making mistakes or for making decisions the way we did. If I choose strawberry and you think peanut butter crunch would be better, you do not have the right to make me feel bad for choosing strawberry. You should feel free to highlight the benefits of the other and talk about all of peanut butter's accolades, but do not ridicule me as a person because I chose differently than you did.

Have a voice. If everyone has a right to their opinion, that opinion must not be suppressed by other opinions but at the same time, if the other is not expressed, how can we learn from one another? If you feel passionately, share your passion. But share it as your passion not as why it should be my passion. If there is an issue close to your heart, please, tell me about it and why it is important for you. But do not think that by you telling me, it will make me feel the same way as you do about it. And then be ok with that.

People make mistakes. We are flawed. So what? We learn from our past and we apply it to the future. There is no need to remind those of us that like strawberry about that one time when it melted or tasted funny. There are just as many flaws with the peanut butter crunch. And that is ok. Instead of focusing on all that has gone wrong with each others flavors, let's improve the ice cream making and be happy with the out come.

Separation of one passion from the other is not required. Here I will stop with the flavor analogy and shoot straight for a second. I love God. All other decisions about the other things I am passionate about (human rights, individual liberty, the role of a federal government in everyday life, etc.) all come from a core belief in God and the application of His word to my life. If I am asked to remove that part of me from the decision making process, I ask you try to drive without use of your eyes and see how far you get. It is only through the choice to follow Him, that I base all others.

I love to explore all sides of an issue and I will promise here and now to always vote, be open to new ideas, and never vote a straight ticket, but I will not waiver in what I believe or be swayed by the masses.

We all know "the system" is flawed. We all know that we would do things differently if it were us. Let's not berate each other in the process of coming up with solutions. Instead we should work harder at finding answers, help those around us, love one another, and live our lives to the fullest. In the end it is the difference we make in the lives of those around us that really matters. Let's not focus on what we can't change and change the lives of those we can at home, work, and only sometimes through politics.

A Love Story

She was a curly haired, freckle face and she was the it girl of my third grade class. You know the one I am referring to. There is one in every class and if you are a woman reading this and you don't know what I'm talking about, then it was you. Walking into class with your pony-under-a-waterfall trapper keeper lighting the whole room with your smile and leading the other giggly girls around the playground as though you were some sort of enchantress. She was all of that.

And me? I was always the shy kid. The one that sat in the middle of the room because I knew the back got too much attention. I just wanted to blend in and not be noticed and I had never wanted to befriend anyone in my class until she came along. I desperately wanted to make the impression and that year I knew just how I was going to do it. In the most romantic way I knew how; I would give her a valentine.

When the thought came to me I knew right away it had to be something special. No paper cut out with a picture of a muppet and her name on the back would be good enough so I began saving every penny I earned. The day before Valentines day, I was at the grocery store with my mom and there it was, the solution to all my problems, the heart shaped box of chocolate. With all the money I had, I bought that little four piece box and a proud smile grew across my face. How could she refuse this amazing act of romance? She will be my valentine for sure!

The next morning, I got to class early and slid the heart shaped symbol of my affection into her crudely decorated shoe box and waited patiently for her to find it and then, of course, fall helplessly in love with me. She walked in a few minutes later, took off her coat, and sat down to see what her classmate had given her. She removed the lid and a grin appeared. I was in! She stealthily scanned the room to see if anyone was watching her and our eyes met. This was it! I knew it would be wonderful between us from here on out. And then he came in.

He was the kid no one wanted to be partners with on a project. He had a silly way about making himself stand out in a crowd that I appalled. He was constantly the butt of jokes around the lunch table for being the short round kid in class and wearing a yamaka in third grade doesn't help you keep a low profile. It wasn't that he was Jewish that was the turn off. It was his knowledge of the presidents. He had for some reason memorized all the presidents and their terms and in random points in any conversation, he would cut you off and challenge you to a presidential trivia contest. Who wants anything to do with that?

On this particular Valentine's day, after I had thought everything was going according to plan, he walks in with a cut out spiderman card for her taped to an entire bag of Kisses. He handed her the bag and that was all she wrote. A few weeks after that, our class was split due to teacher student ratio and I only ever saw her at recess and she never saw me again because I was, to her, invisible. Not only was I lacking in the chocolate department but apparently a vast knowledge of in depth, useless presidential facts are a must for the modern woman.

Zachary Taylor was the twelfth president and was the last president to own slaves while holding the office.


Happy Valentine's Day.

Due To Marriage

Several people have asked if I believe in marriage after everything I have been through. And I suppose the answer they are expecting to hear allows them a second to breathe a sigh of relief as they reflect on their own situation. Some people, when hearing of my divorce, will automatically switch gears in their conversations when I walk by just to be sure I hear them trash marriage. I assume this is to make me feel better.

I started watching this TV show a few weeks ago and thought I recognized one of the actresses from something else she had been in. Like a good nerd would do, I immediately looked her up on IMDB and Wikipedia. In one of the notes I read, it mentioned that she had recently been replaced on the show by another actress "due to marriage". I read the description again; "due to marriage". It was written as though she had been struck by some incurable disease and that this terminal illness had come upon her without her consent and was relentlessly choking her career to lifelessness.

Marriage is not a deadly disease or something that the unfortunate come down with against their will. It does not sneak up on the simple minded and squeeze the life out of the afflicted.

It is not something to be looked down on or trashed. Those that are married should not be looked upon with pity but esteem. We should raise them up and celebrate with them because they have accomplished what so few are able to in this time. Being married is not only a choice that both have made to each other but it is a commitment that takes work, daily forgiveness, and the kind of love that many never experience.

I do not feel bad for those who are married, I envy them. They have something I once thought belonged to be. Something I thought I had the strength and maturity for. They are my hope for another chance at not just true love but real love.

Yes, I still believe in marriage.

Soggy Wallet

A funny thing happened to me the other day. I am a predictable person in most areas in my life. I have a routine for almost everything, not to the point of being obsessive, but definitely predictable. A couple of days ago I was performing my pre-bed ritual which involves me checking my phone one last time before setting it to vibrate, letting the dog outside one more time, double checking my alarm is set by turning it off and back on again (ok, a little obsessive), and setting out my keys, wallet, phone and pocket knife on my desk. I had almost settled in for the night when I noticed, my wallet was missing. In my head I quickly ran through the day, highlighting the times and places I had taken it out. After taking the three extra seconds to do this I realized it must still be in my pants pocket. Oh no! I just put the clothes in the washer! Would I get to it in time before the water reached the pants? Nope. I ended up having to drain the washer and pull out the wet clothes and rifle through them on the garage floor only to find my wallet thoroughly marinated with soapy water.

While I was drying out the wallet and wiping down my debit card and the various gift card I had in there, I kept thinking to myself, "what are you? ten?" I haven't left anything in my pocket to be washed in years. And then it hit me: I have been doing a lot of things in the last few weeks that I haven't done since I was ten. Here are the top five things I have done lately I haven't since I was ten:

1. Washed my wallet
2. Scraped my knees (mountain biking accident. another story.)
3. Went on a bike ride
4. Watched Sesame Street
5. Took a picture with a camera that uses film

So why did it take that long? Except for the wallet mishap, I enjoyed doing all those things. I hope I will never grow too old to appreciate those simple little things that make us feel like kids again. Try it out sometime and if you feel like a fool while you do it, you'll know you're doing it right.

Temeekunga

The place of the sun. Or sometimes translated as the "place of the sun and mist".


However you translate it, the area of southern California known as Temecula maintains it namesake. It is a place where the evening air brings in the moisture over the mountains into the valley below and when the morning sun hits it, the mist rises and slowly leads into sunshine filled days and clear skies.


People were settled in this area hundreds if not thousands of years ago and once you see the place you know why. In every direction the majesty of creation is all around. It seems that along with people, everything thrives here. Temecula has been known for decades as a leader in the production of produce such as avocados, oranges and other citrus fruits, and now it has earned a reputation for growing the fruit for some of the nations greatest wines.

Similar to the contrast between the sun and the mist, Temecula is divided within itself whether to become an attractive place for outsiders or maintain its integrity among the locals. This separation is most obvious once one enters wine country. When you turn off the freeway onto Rancho California, you don't feel like you are in a place of ancient tradition. There is the Target and the Embassy Suites next to the chains of parasite stores and restaurants that have become common place in those areas. You will feel like you are in every other small suburb trying to make a name for itself by looking like all the others. Until, that is, when you reach wine country.

Almost like taking a misstep down a small flight of stairs, you will feel a little shaken and confused when you reach it. It doesn't seem to belong. You take a second to check yourself; "didn't I just see a Starbucks two blocks back?" but it is no mirage. The busy suburb turns into a countryside complete with rows upon rows of grape vines intermingled with small flocks of livestock and sprinkled with the occasional chicken coop. It seems almost unspoiled.

Many of the wineries are ran by their founders and they are committed to the area, producing great wine, and preserving the land and traditions of Temecula. But there are also business owners that have purchased wineries as though they would be a fun way to pass the time in between vacations to Europe. The struggle occurs when the winemakers realize they need people through the doors in order to sell wine but not to the point of sacrificing quality. On the other hand if you are willing to let your customers do anything from foot stomp junk fruit to weddings, to yoga in the vines...doesn't that take away from the traditional? Doesn't that take away the integrity of the others in the valley trying to produce world class wine?

And so the battle rages on between sun and mist, tourist and tradition, integrity and money. It is an old story, you just have to decide which side you are on.

Wine Snob IV

Exploring The World Of Wine


Wine is created for many reasons. Some winemakers are in it for the cash. Some are gentleman with easy retirement money who come to town, purchase a vineyard, and call themselves winemakers. Some are in it for the party. (Hey, if you're the one providing the booze, who is going to say anything bad about you.) But the wine you should be seeking no matter what, is that of the purest, the true masterpiece creator.

How do you find this most amazing wine? Simple. Drink wine. Not just the one you like to drink, but several. The broader experience will lead to the greater experience. I do of course have some favorites, but I also enjoy a good two buck chuck once in awhile. In my own meager collection I have several, hundred dollar bottles of wine. I have tasted the wine from several, thousand dollar bottles. I will still sometimes drop by the local supermarket and find the cheapest bottle I can. Why? To have a comparison. If I only drank reds, or if I only drank Viognier, I would be limiting myself to only one good thing without appreciating the others.

Let me stop rambling and offer some practical advice. If you are new to wine there will be one that makes itself obvious to you. It may be a Merlot, or a Sangiovese. For me, I will always have a bottle of 2007 CabSav in my collection. This was the first bottle I found I actually enjoyed (being a former beer man myself, it was hard at first to adjust). When I found it, I made a note of it, and when I would go out to taste, I would be sure to try the '07 CabSav. I would be able to compare wine styles from that point and became very familiar very quickly with the CabSav as a grape. What it could produce, its characteristics, and so on. Then I tried others and the journey continues.

My advice is if you want to get a fast grip on wine, pick a varietal or year or region and work your way out from there. Don't overload right away by trying a South American SavBlanc and then the next night try a Missouri Zinfandel. Instead try sticking with SavBlanc for a week or two then move on to something new.

Whatever it is you are trying, it is going to be good. Maybe not always good tasting but good that you are growing in your knowledge of wines. It can be fun, rewarding, and when someone at a party says something about the wine, you will have something to say based on personal experience. Good Hunting! Cheers!

Wine Snob III

Finally, The Fun Part: Tasting


It was my understanding when I began drinking wine, that this was the easy part. I was dead wrong. I had no idea what I was looking for or how to find it and when you take a journey like that you only end up lost and confused. I wanted to take a little time out for the first timers and work through some basics, but I haven't forgotten about you too, people that think they have forgotten more about wine than I will ever know.

Tasting is not a chore. It is an adventure that, if you let it, will open you up to a world you didn't know you were already so familiar with. Tasting wine should begin with your attitude. If you walk in somewhere in a bad mood, you will more than likely not enjoy the wine, but if you make it an exciting experience, you will carry those memories with you when you taste the next time. When served, take a look at the wine. Examine the color and clarity. Is it a deep red or a see-through blush? Does it remind you of pear juice or like liquid gold? Once you have taken not of the color, smell it. Really get your nose in there and smell it. (For me, I like to do all this before touching the glass. Then I will pick it up and do it again with the glass at an angle to get my nose closer to the wine.) What do you smell? Summer sea breeze? Sweet apricot? Caramel? Vanilla? Toast? Blueberry pie?

It doesn't need to be this nerdy but you get the idea

Once you have a smell registered in your brain for that wine, maybe a fruit or hint of something, or maybe even a memory, then taste it. When you taste you are looking for a variety of things. I will not take the time to list all of them. This is your activity. You can find anything from oak notes to varying kinds of fruit and so much more. You are also looking for texture. Is it soft, smooth, harsh/hot, acidic, sweet, or dry. As mentioned the list goes on but this is really about what you taste. Think about it. Talk about it. Smell it again. Swirl it to give it some oxygen and then smell it again. Taste it, yes, again. It doesn't matter how many times you do this, each time you will be able to get a little something else out of it. Try to focus your taste buds and find the tastes on the front, mid, and back pallet and then focus on the aftertaste. Once you have your idea of the wine in mind, then and only then, read the tasting notes provided.

Winemakers or cellar managers provide these to help you along, but do not use them as a crutch to base everything on. You will surprise yourself at how many of the things you find when you taste are listed. Now there will always be one or two you don't. Should there be wine left in your glass, then take the time to find those too. If you can't, no big deal. In the end it really only matters if you liked it or not.

Now if you really want to get crazy, taste it as usual, then take it outside. If the wine was made on site, the fruit has a tendency to pick up some of the neighboring smells and characteristics. You may be able to pull out scents you weren't able to before or get a completely different experience.

Think about the fruit on the vine. Think about the weather the berries saw. How much sunshine, how much rain? Think about the hands that picked it, the crushing of the fruit, the storage, the agonizing wait it endured in the barrels. Think about the people that put their lives on hold and made other sacrifices to produce this little bit of wine for you to enjoy, and you will taste it in a totally new way. Cheers!

Wine Snob II

Winery Etiquette

You are on vacation or perhaps it is just your day off and you want to go to the winery. This is a great time to relax, kick back with your favorite beverage and enjoy yourself. In order to do that, you need to first be comfortable in the place and understanding the culture of the tasting room will help you to achieve maximum relaxation. Although many of my notes are from the perspective behind the bar, several are from what I have learned as a taster and as a club member. A winery can be a confusing place for a first timer and even for some who think they know what they are doing, here are some wine tasting room tips.

If you followed my tips from before, then you have arrived at your winery. The one that fits you and your personality and serves the style of wine you prefer (dry, sweet, etc). If you are at the winery to taste, then remember that you are here to...taste. Not to drink. Common misconception, I know, but wine tasting should be just that. Open yourself to trying new things. I can not tell you the number of times people come into a winery and declare loudly, so all can hear, "I don't drink whites!" Saying that in a room full of open minded people who are just there to enjoy themselves, makes you look silly and closed minded. Keep your voice down, be willing to try something new and feel free to use the dump bucket and move on to the next one.

Dump buckets are the unsung hero for tasters. It may seem unusual for a winery to provide for customers a vessel in which to spit or dump out wine not suitable to them. It is actually the opposite. By having a bucket available, it takes the pressure off of you, the taster, to drink something you don't enjoy. As long as you understand that the wine you dump is wine you already paid for, you won't hurt any one's feelings if you pour out. It shows you are a discerning person that is ready to move on to the next great thing on the list. (side note: Do not expect your server to pour out for you unless the bar is crowded. Servers will not pour out your wine unless requested. If you do require this extra help, remember that when leaving a tip.)

If the tip I gave before about tasting and not drinking has had time to sink in a bit, let's discuss what to taste. You have already chosen a winery you like, so why not them them decide what also goes into your glass? Many smaller wineries have limited tasting menus and will charge one fee for 4-6 tastings. Some of the larger establishments will offer a wide variety of wines on a list of twenty or more and then have you select from that list 5 or 6 you wish to try. In this scenario, I always revert to the experts; the servers. Let them know what you like and let them drive. Servers, for the most part, will enjoy taking you on the journey of their favorites and will help strengthen the bond between you and them. The stronger this bond, the better stuff you will end up tasting. If you seem disinterested, prepare to use the bucket, but if you listen to their advice you will usually find yourself with a glass of goodness.

To avoid tension, when you walk in, be prepared to pay up front for what you are going to taste. Do not think you will wait until the end and if everything is to your liking, then you will pay. Pay up front and, yes, most places will except plastic. However, keep some cash in your pocket. The tasting fee does not include a tip. I know, no one likes someone else to tell them how to tip, but I will. Average tasting fee: $10-15. Average tip per customer: $4. Let's go ahead and not make ourselves look cheap and go for $5. I don't taste anywhere that I don't expect to tip. The servers count on it as part of their pay and if they are knowledgeable and friendly, offer you great service and advice, let them know by laying it down. They will appreciate it and you will feel better knowing you did the right thing.

Cheers!

Wine Snob

For the last several months I have been working part time at a small winery here in Temecula, California. If you google Temecula you will find that it is one of the fastest growing wine regions. This last season I had the privilege to handle the harvest literally from dirt to glass. From slaving in the early mornings picking to serving in the tasting room. During that time I also had the rare opportunity to glean a ton of wine knowledge from not only the other people working but the winemaker himself. I have learned much and would like to pass along what I know. I have visited many other wineries and have found that the customers that come in to taste often ask the same questions; where is a good place to go taste?, how and what are you supposed to be tasting for?, why do you pour such a small amount of wine into my glass?, and so on. I would like to begin this series with tips on:

Choosing The Right Winery For You

To choose a winery at which to taste, you need to ask yourself what you are looking for. There are as many wine styles as there are personalities and the wineries that produce that wine usually have the same attitude. If you are the party person that is just looking for a good time with friends, there are wineries that are perfect for that. They make wine that is easy to drink and not too complex. These are good places to go to if you plan on talking about other things instead of wine. However, if you are serious about the wine, what it tastes like, how complex it is, and you are in the mood to expand your horizons, there are wineries for that as well. While putting together the wineries to visit, do the research. A good rule of thumb is if it was easy to find, they probably cater to the party crowd. And that's good sometimes if you just want to let your hair down, but if you should be in that mood, do not expect the smaller, more serious wineries to cater to you. At the winery I work at, we have a "no limo" policy and still every other day there will be a limo that pulls up and eleven girls with pink boas get out to party. Not ok. We ask them to leave. Not because we don't want their business but because we know we don't offer them the wine or the atmosphere they are looking for.

If you happen to find a winery that you like, ask your server where you should go from there. Never underestimate the knowledge your server has to offer. While it is true that some are hired simply to fill a position on an employment roster, many of them are near experts in the art of wine. Offer them a clue into your tastes by letting them know which wines on the list you appreciated the most. Being extremely familiar with those wines, they will easily be able to point you in the right direction.

Ask the servers where they like to go. Many of the serious servers in the industry pride themselves on their knowledge of the region. They will go around on their days off and taste at other wineries to familiarize themselves with what they each have to offer and in turn will be able to provide their own customers with a better idea of what they are seeking. This is as good for business to the winery as it is to your service. They build relationships and connections with the other servers to help tie the wine region closer as a community. So if your server offers you a tip on where you should go next, ask them for their name and let the server at the next winery who sent you. Not only does this help them remember their relationships with one another but it will make you look like an insider. (this may get you an extra pour or maybe a taste of something off the list, but no promises)

Wherever you choose to taste, be open minded. Not all places do weddings or even allow flash photography. Understand that these are places of business but also, sometimes, people's homes and livelihoods. Be respectful and polite. But at the same time have fun and enjoy. maybe if you're really lucky like me, you'll find your happy place on the back patio of a winery with a glass of vino. Cheers!

Spill It

Letting go and just telling things as they are is a great feeling. Not just opening up and telling someone the truth, but baring a piece of your soul to a group of peers.

The reason I started writing this was due to several factors; my second grade teacher, Mrs. Neal, My 12th grade English teacher, Mrs. Fox, my marriage councilor, and Daniel. These people reached out to me and encouraged me to let it all out on paper and when the home computer replaced that, I began this. It was because of these people, among others, that believed in the words I wrote and the humble thoughts that provoke each article. It is because of them that you have wasted all your time reading this, so blame them.

Sometimes, I don't feel like writing. Other times, there doesn't seem to be anything to write about. Still other times, it seems as though no one cares and if no one cares and no one reads it, then what is the point. I'll tell you...it doesn't matter.

I have found writing this and opening myself up to you to be revealing, uplifting, and because I know that at any moment someone can respond with a mean comment, very humbling. I love the thought of people reading my words, passing them on for others to also read, and being slightly moved or intrigued by it. Perhaps at times I seek fame and fortune. Maybe sometimes I am just looking to vent. Most of the time, it is just me spilling my guts to you, the reader, and simply hope that it gets read.

For me, so far, it has been therapeutic. It feels good to bring others into your world and I hope this little insignificant blog has been able to bring you into mine. Thanks for reading.

Poor Man's Romance

I will not promise to meet you in Rome and sweep you off your feet. I will not promise to buy you a house as an engagement present. I will not promise you a 10 ct diamond ring or to give you the life of your dreams.

I am a hopeless romantic. A poor hopeless romantic. When I say poor, I mean that I have nothing to offer a woman but all of me. I may not be able to provide you with the finer things in life but that will not make me love you less. I promise to love you.

I will promise to take you out to places that have real napkins and some that don't. I promise to grab your favorite candy bar when in line at the supermarket. I will make sure to pick up my dirty clothes from time to time and I will always put the seat back down. I will wear the sweater you bought me and I will be happy with whatever color you want to paint the bathroom. I will not promise to enjoy it but I will watch sappy girly movies with you and promise to not make fun of you when they make you cry. I promise to love you.

I promise to think about you first. I promise to listen to you and I promise to not try to solve all your problems before you are done talking about them. I will mean it when I tell you I love you and I will tell you everyday. I will want to be with you when you are sick and I will care for you until you are well again. I will be honest and loyal. I will not bring up old wounds during arguments and I will never compare you to your mother. I promise to provide for you all you will need and do my best to give you what you want. I promise to love you.

I will not offer you the moon for it is not mine to give but as long as it stands in the sky, I will be true to you and you alone. Faithfully and forever. All I can give, I will give. I promise.